Kamusta

Ang tagal ko nang hindi sumusulat. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Teka, sa mga maarteng hirap daw mag-basa ng Filipino, tangina wag na kayong mag-inarte. Pagod na pagod na ako sa mga kaartehan at ka-plastikan na nakapaligid sa akin ngayon. Nakakahiya, Pilipino kayo, dito kayo nakatira tapos ikakahiya niyo wika natin, gagamitin niyo lang pag kausap niyo mga drayber at kasambahay niyo. ANO BA. HAHA.

Malamang nagtataka kayo kung saan ako nanggagaling at nagsusungit ako. LOL. Pasensya na, ilang araw na kasi akong nabibingi sa ka-konyohan ng mga tao sa school. Nung nasa restroom nga ako sa loob ng cubicle, may narinig akong usapan ng tres bruhildas, mga sophies yata na dapat pinag-uuntog ko na sa salamin. Paano, mag kukuwentuhan na nga lang at magtatanungan kung okay bang mag-minor sa dakilang Management na course, lalaitin pa ang IS. Please lang.

I swear, cynic na ako. Gusto ko nang matapos at grumaduate bago pa lalong lumala ang populasyon ng naturang elite school na iyon. Sayang. Sayang na talaga. Parang hindi na iyon yung institusyon na tinalun-talunan ko sa sobrang tuwa noong pumasa ako. Sana nagkakamali ako ng pananaw, para na rin sa ikabubuti ng mga nangangarap pumasok doon hindi dahil sosyal o high profile ang eskwelahan pero dahil sa paniniwalang kahit papaano, maganda pa rin ang edukasyong nabibigay nila na hindi mahahanap sa iba.

ANYWAY, tulad ng sabi ko kanina, ang tagal ko nang hindi nagsusulat. Maraming nangyari at nagbago, halata naman sa mga pinagsasasabi ko ngayon. Mukhang frustrated ako pero sa kabuuan, masayang masaya ako dahil sa wakas nahanap ko na rin yung gusto ko, o at least yung sa tingin ko ngayon na gusto kong gawin talaga. :))

Yon.

Sa susunod na ako magkukuwento, inantok ako bigla. LOL

Soul Searching. Soul Found.

A repost from my old LJ blog, dated December 5, 2007. A way of re-inspiring myself.

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I would usually write about a fucked-up experience but tonight, I think I'll take this time to just be thankful for the way things are. Haha! Besides, it's too EXHAUSTING to see all the bad things around me, so I'ma pay attention naman to the good side of things diba??


Life is beautiful, man!


I've come up with a new personal mission statement!

I've been conscious of the fact that in life, we ALWAYS have a choice. It's just a question of values that determine our choices. That perception was buried for a while when I couldn't do the things I wanted because I kept blaming circumstance for not giving me the resources. But somehow, in reading Stephen Covey's book, I managed to live up to that belief again; that I always had, have, and will have the choice to do what I want, NO MATTER how much circumstances TRY to control me. I will do what I have to in order to be the best person I can be, even if it means altering my personality and my values, even my principles... a paradigm shift, a new way of looking at the world.

Somehow, I want to be a kid again, dreaming about my future profession and saying it with conviction. I remember I used to say, "I want to be a lawyer". And then it became "I want to be the President of this country and make it a better place!" I also said "I want to be scientist" or "I want to work in a forensic laboratory and make crime punishment more just". I had these dreams when I was young and there was nothing else I had to worry about. But I grew up and reality started to become clearer to me: I was growing up with detrimental limitations. My self-esteem went down the drain and so did my dreams. I had only my passion left (which also eventually faded): writing. I said I wanted to be a writer and change the world (the way playwrights, poets and other writers did with their inspirational one-liners), or at least a part of it.

I had these dreams. What happened to them?

If there is one thing I regret, it is letting limitations get the best of me.

But now, I see myself like an old and rusty machine working again, building up this momentum that when I start to go for what I want, I'll be unstoppable.

I will let my dreams take over my life again.

It isn't clear to me what profession I'll take on in the future. I want to be so many things, I know I will NEVER go for just one.

I do know what I want to be, though. I want to be unstoppable, making things happen..... the way I saw my future self when I was I kid.

And with that, I think it's time I go down from this tall tree I just climbed because I've reassessed my position and now I know where to go.

(...... i think. )